Feeling very upset

I genuinely have been crying nonstop since yesterday. I just got done with my second rotation of third year 2 weeks ago, and I took a month off in between rotations after it because my dad was suddenly diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and needed immediate intervention and care and we’re a small family and I’m the eldest child. That situation has been weighing very heavily on me. I never thought my third year would take the turn that it has, and everything is moving so quickly. Throughout my rotation, my parents called me crying and anxious and I was there for them.

For this rotation I just got off of, I tried my very best despite my circumstances. I was never late, I listened to all advice, and just tried my hardest. I always asked for feedback and then followed through with it. I even informed my preceptor of what was going on with my family just so that they were aware. They even knew I had to take unexpected time off from rotations after that one because of it.

I just got my evaluation yesterday, and for some reason they absolutely tore me apart, which has crushed me mentally. It was like the last thing I needed during this very stressful time and I do not feel like it was fair. It seemed way harsher than I think I deserved. I got scored very low for every single thing, and then for the comment that goes in my MSPE, they essentially said in short that my ability, how much I know, and skills for doing things was below other students, but that I can be taught. They said that I was receptive to all feedback and learned from it and remembered things well that I was taught. This is my second rotation of all time and I am still learning everyday. If they believe I improved from their feedback, why would they say the first part that I’m below other people… it genuinely hurts so much, more than I can explain. How will this even affect me in the future for residency? The first rotation I had was in the same core subject, and I got a completely different eval about how much progress I made. I genuinely would’ve honored this rotation if it weren’t for this evaluation but I got a high pass which I don’t even know what that means because this is my first core rotation I finished. It is also so unfair considering the trauma I’m going through yet I still showed up every single day with a smile on my face willing to learn, but they were comfortable saying something that can affect my future this strongly. Also my school copies every single comment verbatim so there’s nothing I can do to stop this from showing up. I just can’t stop crying. I’ve been in the hospital every single day taking care of my dad. Why did this have to happen to me….