want to immigrate but can't study

and I have to study because 1. i don't have any relatives in other countries, 2. i don't make enough money and still live with my parents, 3. i am already burned tf out from working and volunteering somewhere with Other People Around will just instantly kill me I'm afraid, and 4. I can't find a lover because I'm aromantic

to move to another country they usually ask you to pass a language exam and sometimes a history exam. I can't do that. i don't know how my own language works when it comes to grammar rules. english is my second language and again I have no idea how it works, it just spawned in my head because I'm a fan of a lot of western media

I'm very scared. I live in russia and every day they add a new stupid rule to make everyone's life miserable. i want to move somewhere that allows ritalin or adderall because I literally can barely function at all. i struggle with suicidal thoughts because I don't see a way out. everyone who has left this horrible country is very ambitious and brave, and I just want to lie down and cry because I'm stupid and completely exhausted