Turning 30 and questing everything!

Hey everyone, I’m turning 30 in a little over a month and I’ve been feeling more depressed and lost than ever.

Please be kind but brutally honest. Apologies in advance as English is not my first language.

For context: I have a full time job and a good salary but I am very far behind socially and emotionally. I’m tall, skinny, below average looking guy and I struggle with anxiety, lack of confidence and depression and as a result, I've been single my whole life and have barely any friends. It’s embarrassing to admit and it weighs on me more as I get older.

Im living with my parents. They won’t let me pay rent (I'm very grateful for everything they have done for me) so I help with groceries, phone bills, insurance and whatever else I can. They’re in their late 50s now. My dad works longer hours than I do and I worry he’s pushing himself because he doesn’t want to show me that I’m a burden on them. I love my parents deeply and they've sacrificed so much for me but I feel worthless and a complete failure. I hate that I haven’t been able to become the son they deserve. They expected so much more from me and I feel I've let them down.

I also want to start my own family someday, live my life to it's full potential, feel happy again, and see my parents experience the joy of becoming grandparents before it's too late. I want to step up and show that they’ve done enough for me and that now it’s my turn to take care of them but I feel so stuck behind a mental wall I can’t climb. I'm just not able to fight off the thoughts in my head and push through it. Time seems to be running out faster by the day and I feel I'm falling behind more and more.

Im just at a point where Im looking for perspective. How do people navigate this stage of life or anyone who found a way forward when life started feeling heavy like this.

Any advice or personal experiences would really help.