Disappointed my husband

I have a hard time handling pressure and it comes out in the form of a seriously foul mood. I don't bang doors or anything but I just don't feel like talking and get short with people and my patience is basically 0. I'm working hard to recognise when it is approaching and to pull out all the stops to try and mitigate it. It usually happens when I get overstimulated, and/or overwhelmed with stuff like the never ending house chores, making food my picky 17 month old will actually eat, feeling the brunt of bad sleep (co-sleeping).

It happened again the other day, this time over dishes that had been piling up. For context, the dishes is a regular argument where he thinks I should just leave them for him to do whenever he's available because the kitchen cleanliness is my no.1 trigger, while I would like to do them immediately, at the risk of becoming overstimulated.

The combination with stress from a new factor (picked my freelance job back up) it happened and I had a shit attitude all afternoon. My husband and I were short with each other. Eventually I apologised in the evening and we seemed to be in better spirits. But when my husband took our child to brush his teeth before bed time, I opened the dishwasher to grab a clean bowl for a snack, and thought to myself "I'll just put away the bowls."

My husband got pissed off. He could hear me putting away the bowls because the bathroom is right by the kitchen. After I got our child down for bed, he texted that he was disappointed I "decided to trigger the topic last minute" and that it's hard for him not to feel like it was on purpose.

It wasn't on purpose. But of course I still feel terrible. Why did I do that? I can't get over that I disappointed him and, in his words, make it hard for him to love me in such moments. He says he wishes it wasn't hard, but it's hard when he feels like he's my therapist.

It was going so well the last few weeks and then I let it overtake me. For what??? I'm so disappointed in myself.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting. I've scheduled a session with a therapist online but it's not for a couple of weeks. Just wanted to talk to someone maybe. The person I want reassurance from won't give me any and I wouldn't want to pressure him for something he doesn't want to give. Maybe someone here can give me a harsh reality check. Or a kind word or two.

Thanks for reading.