idk where i am going.............

so basically i have exams from this Thursday and i really wanna study but i am not being able i am like procastinating i am like its too early to start studying and even though to i try to study i don't know where to start but yk what study is not a big challenge for me ik i will do it. Big challenge is my feeling of loneliness or what to label it idk. like i keep switching my insta ids and keep desperately waiting for someone to msg me and talk to me idk why i feel like talking to someone but idk whom not even my closest friend are close to me they are just busy or idk if avoiding me.....

the problem is i keep checking my social medias for someone msg its like asking for help silently idk what... and i don't want to check i just wanna forget everything.

idk why i am like pls someone talk to me pls i keep on saying in my brain pls someone talk to me. idk whats happening .

idk why i am feeling like this it really feels like hell. i litreallytried everything i tried being busy i tried keeping myself distracted nothing worked at all but i one good thing happened before my insta screen time used to be daily avg 4-5 hr but now a days its daily avg 2hr but idk how all i keep is opening insta and check my dry dms and then exit i don't have interest in watching reels nowadays.. idk why i feel so lost and alone. idk how to ask for help. i eve don't what i am going through. i even can't explain to me how will to explain to other?

I REALLY FEEL LOST AND ALONE.

and pls don't give me advice of talking to family siblings coz infront of my them my image has been like a emotions less person like i show no emotions like neither i had cried infront of them since past 5-6 neither i have show any form or emotions like love hate etc idk why it feels illegal to let me know i have emotions to but idk now and its litreally impossible for me to show emotions their or open up there.

note: pls don't judge by my spelling errors coz i am writing from keyboard and i hope you understand this.

btw 19M studying engineering