Living with my parents. Especially as a parent myself is geing to be too much

I need to vent. This is a long read.

I am 26, I have 2 kid they are 3 and 4 both in preschool now. My kids dad I have a Restraining order against and I live with my parents. I am an only child, my mom wasn't really a kid person, my parents had me and stopped there not only because of that but also because of money and other things. My parents lived with my grandparents for awhile before they bought the house from them and my grandparents moved. I am.very close to my grandmother because she always used to watch me before I started school and over the summers and everything.

Anyways, When my youngest was a baby he did cry a lot more, and it bothered my mom. She said she couldn't help me watch him at times because it irritated her too much. As they have become toddlers shes annoyed with the tantrums as anyone wpuld be but how i handle it and how she does is different. Shes always yelling and everything which doesn't make it better at all. It didnt when i was younger and it doesn't now. Shes always saying theres something wrong with them because they don't listen and that she's babysat other kids years ago and never saw any like this. How she tells them to move when shes annoyed irritates me. She said she would only help watch them while i work. I only work 2 part time jobs. Retail 2 days a week and serving food to patients in a hospital 5 days a week. I have 2 cousins that will watch them when they can as they are both in college so they helped a lot over the summer. When I come home from work my mom will be so annoyed, that I can't talk to her or tell her much of anything if I have to until after I get the kids to bed because she will be glued to her phone not paying attention anymore.

Anytime I ask my cousins to watch the kids while I am not working so I can clean the house some, or hangout with someone sinxe she won't watch the kids for that she gets mad at me and say i am pushing responsibility off to other people. I rarely hang out with anyone anymore its usually weeks to months in between. I am always just working or home with the kids.

Now there are times when she is good with them, and patient and helpful and theres times where its like this. Its stressful. And complicated but I feel like if I didnt live with my parents anymore that she would be like that more often since shes not always seeing them everyday like this. One time she told me that she knows I wishes she was more calm, and a grandmother that wanted to be around them but she's not. I did wish it was more like the relationship I had with my grandmother, but she said thats because my grandmother has a differentconnection with kids than her. My mom's other cousins are also kid people and often think my mom is similar but she is not.

I am just trying to work on paying off the debt I have and saving as much as I can. I can pick up a few more hours since they started school. Their dads side of the family is jsut starting to get close to the kids again as there was a break in me seeing them as he caused so much stress between us but since hes been gone for 2 years the kids have gotten closer to them. One of his sisters lives at home and just had her first baby 2 weeks early so I cant lean on them to take the kids for awhile since I don't want the baby getting sick from 2 germ filled preschoolers. So yeah, when i left my kids dad and did the RO I felt like I could finally see some light at the end of the tunnel but now i feel stuck in a different one. This is just a vent, I had to get this all out my head. Has anyone else had a hard time with parenting differences while living with your parents?