Not English native speaker  
  
Dinner is the usual dinner of every Saturday night, bought from the same pizza place for at least 5 years (i know this is already big sign): Pizza with wurstel, fries, mortadella and Raisin, this pizza is called by my name in the restaurant.  
  
The Context  
I hate how catastrophist my mind is, I'm usually a positive guy, went through couple of very bad things in my life (28yrs) but i usually powered trough and as bad as it gets, sometimes is better of how my mind or anxiety will picture how possible things that are objectively good are getting bad or will get bad, it seems that my mind always tries to find the most minute crack in the wall because it can't compute trusting it with standing up and so it has to be always alert always thinking "ah this is the sign the wall is not safe" when in reality its just a scratch 

Notice how ho i separate myself from my mind, as i feel that in this cases is a struggle between us two on how i will behave during periods in which I'm subjected to this stress, is like a monkey bashing pots and pans whenever I'm in this situation, and I'm not allow to have a relaxed mind, just intrusive thoughts and random unwanted toughs, a close friend of mine said to me, don't start thinking already on things that may happen in a month or in a year, just enjoy things that are present, quoting, "enjoy the fucking ride" as, you are on a roller-coaster, enjoy it, scream and raise your hands, enjoy that emotions, and it helped me a bit not overthinking, enjoying things as are now, but usually for me not doing anything, not thinking about anything, not planning about anything feels so stressful  
  
The Now

said everything, matched a girl week ago and the same day we talked we decided to met on Saturday 12. a week from now, a week  
I think we both had a good feeling we are both passionate about music and she loved my suggestions plus we live both are very near to each other, and now i have to endure waiting for the 12 as my mind anxiety start puppeting myself, and making me uneasy 24h/24h because, for reason, it will turn bad, something will go bad it must be, it can't be possible that things will go smoothly i have to actively say to myself to stop, and i try to list all the evidence that proves that all those things are in my mind, and when even this doesn't work i try to cherry pick thinks i try to not like and use them to cope "i shouldn't even worry because in reality i won't like her for X/Y/Z  reasons" but I'm lying to myself and i know it, the only things that reliably works are games that require planning or constructing something or movies that hook you up/haut you, i have a ton of hobbies but the only cure is a mind completely saturated on something else.

Otherwise the mind is always thinking, what should i say, what should i ask, what could i send her, how was the last conversation like, questioning everything even when everything was objectively good and despite having more and more experience on handle myself in these situation, that i fortunately suffer only online and not when in person, if I'm not worried it usually means that i don't care, if i care, its a constant uneasiness  
I honestly wonder how people manage to stay cool, how people manage to go about their day without worrying or worrying in a "normal" way, not getting derailed by the exhausting cycle of "its so over" "we are so back" multiple times a day, I'm so less stressed when not in these situation it baffles me as i sometimes even get some mild chest pain for this, i really can't comprehend how to even start worrying in a more sustainable way.

I will now perform my ancient weekly pizza ritual.



In My Mind Catastrophism