Memories from when i was 6-15

I need honest opinion

When I was a child i was with my 3 year younger and 4 year younger nephews (the oldest is a girl the other boy) (i was 9-11 at the time) i told them to that each would show their buttholes including mine, i don't remember if i actually touched their butthole with my nail and index finger with a bit of force, but let's say i did, would it be considered penetrative assault or rape or none these two?

Mind you the "show your butthole" was with consent i told them, but touching wasn't, i knew everything that happened in that period was wrong, but i did it for sexual pleasure anyways (i was impulsive and had a dirty mind).

we were giggling during the whole time, i get this memory of one of them getting hurt, and laughing it off (not sure if this is true or not, but i don't want to runaway from responsibility).

I still talk them normally till this day, i dont think they mind or remember at all (this is just a speculation, maybe they do...), also i was never the victim (i never was touched), and again still not sure if i actually did it or it's just false memory kicking in (I did touch their butt, "opening it" especially the girl nephew to see the hole better this I'm sure of it happened and it felt good to do so), but anyways just wanted to make sure what would be considered if I did (the touch the butthole thing, maybe i just pointed using the index finger ??????).

Also when I was young I knew what I was doing, i understood the gravity of it, so I don't think the "not old enough to know better" applies to me, in fact I actually though about this memory alot in my younger years (I'm 22 now) and forgot about it because I used the "i was a child" excuse.

The other memory is when 13-15, i was always trying to gain the trust of the sister of the boy nephew (she was 5-7 at that time), so she can follow me everywhere like these two nephew do, anyways when i was alone with her, i had this horrifying sexual desire thought of doing some unforgivable acts like pedos and rapist do (i don't know how many times this thought occured to me), i think i controlled it some way, but i don't remember if i did some horrible shit apart from leaving my legs still while she was moving so her clothes touch my front legs, and well tickling her neck while touching her breasts (with the tickling action with my both hands), both of these actions to satisfy that desire.

When i was 6, i hugged my nephew (the boy one) he was only 2 at the time, to "explode" his diapers with my hands when hugging, and also to touch his genital with mine (as far as i can remember i felt the touch, then when i let him go thought occured to me that i acted on it..., then i just ignored and continued doing it...) (again both action were for sexual pleasure, I knew what I was doing, i understood the gravity of it...)

Do all of these count as COCSA ??? or only the first and third ?

Now i remember even more dogshit stuff i did to the boy nephew sister, like peeking on a door hole while she was taking a bath) with well my boy nephew because he copied everything i did, holding her for a few sec (basically when you crouch and hug) when she tried to run away so my genital presses her butt(maybe i did it when that event of having that sexual desire thought of doing some unforgivable acts like pedos and rapist do happened??) (i also did it for all them many times i think, i don't remember the age but i was <16 maybe when i was from 5th to 9th grade ???? i have a blurry image of when i was in 8th grade tho....) and some other unforgivable acts to all of them (i'm sure there are lot) and all of them were for sexual pleasure and i knew the gravity, i failed them all miserably and i am ashamed of myself.

Anyways my real event OCD is giving me fatal alerts... (i was very touchy in my younger years fucking unbelivable)