Struggling with Self Esteem

My self esteem has taken an absolute battering lately.

I turn 40 in a couple of weeks and feel I’ve visibly aged in the last few months. I know ageing is a privilege but I am self conscious of my appearance which I maybe wouldn’t feel if I wasn’t single.

I broke up with my partner at the end of June (number of reasons and it was the right decision) and I know (from reading his journal - yes I know, huge invasion of privacy I’m not going to go into the context of that here) that he didn’t find me attractive (or at least not when my skin was breaking out - something I’m trying to tackle and am self conscious about), didn’t find me fun because I’m not a big drinker, and didn’t find me interesting. While I know that much of his complaints (there were many others) are mostly about him not me it has been a huge knock to my self esteem.

I went for my first date since the break up last weekend and completely spiralled afterward because I felt so unattractive and that it’s probably too late at 40 for me to meet someone. Needless to say I realised I’m not in the right headspace to date while my self esteem is so precarious.

Lastly, I found out yesterday I’m the only one in my office that hasn’t been invited to my colleagues wedding. We’re not close and I didn’t expect an invite but it really stung being the only one and it’s symptomatic of how i haven’t been included or invited to drinks and other social gatherings over the years. I am older than a good portion of the office, I’m not a big drinker and I’m in the office a lot less than everyone else so I do get it, but it’s hard not to take it as a huge rejection and feel that they perhaps just don’t like me.

In summary I’m feeling incredibly low, my self esteem is in tatters and I’m feeling very alone. I want to put myself out there socially (not for dating again just yet) especially in queer spaces as a bi women with very few queer friends, but I’m finding it incredibly hard while feeling like this.

How do I build myself self esteem back up? (I know some people use dating apps to boost ego but that feels like a slippery slope that could easily back fire, I also don’t want to use people)