Absentmindedly(?) broke up with my gf. Now I’m alone

Feel like shit. We had a bad summer. I was really anxious about talking to her, and so I said I can’t do this anymore. Even as I was telling her this I said this is a mistake I am making.

That was a month ago. Now for the past 2-3 weeks I have just been in shambles. I can’t function. I can’t sleep. I’m in trouble at work for calling out so much. I cry all the time. I sob at night and shake uncontrollably.

I’ve reached out to her, but it’s done. She has abandonment issues, and me avoiding her cost me a relationship. I am so miserable.

I big fucked up. I sent her flowers recently too. To try and apologize and get her back. After my millionth call to voicemail, she actually answered. She didn’t say anything though. I talked to a muted ex girlfriend that stayed on the call for 50 minutes as I tried to express myself. I tried to apologize.

Eventually she hung up. I texted and said thank you for hearing me out. Didn’t matter. She repeated never talk to me again. Don’t contact me. She had one of her friends check in on me since I said how shit just isn’t worth it.

I don’t know how to cope. I can’t. I do this with ALL of my relationships. I feel level headed and decide to break up. Then immensely regret it within a couple weeks later. then my ex doesn’t want anything to do with me when I change my mind.

I just feel so fucked up and sad. I don’t want to wake up.