I get this thoughts about being a masc woman and I dont want them! (F20, this theme started 7 months ago)

I have started to feel so masculine and like when I think about myself I see big muscular, masc lesbian (even though im bi).. when I think about relationships I see myself from male pov now, like I wanna be the ”masculine” one in the relationship.. i can’t do this anymore.. I wanna be elegant and small woman but I feel like I am a masc.. all my gestures, the way I speak etc feels so masculine now.. my life revolves around this..

It’s funny how I feel like I wanna be a man/masc woman even though I feel dysphoric about my wide shoulders and being a bit bigger woman (63kg 166cm). But my mind tells me that I love feeling like a masc.

I always get triggered when I see masc lesbians in social media.. I get the urge to be like them even though I have always hated that kind of style and loved being feminine!!!