I feel completely sick and broken. How can someone use a year of love bombing and then treat my pain with such cruelty?

I am struggling so much to process everything and my head is just spinning. I was with my partner for a year and a half and the relationship started with intense, prolonged love bombing that made me feel completely safe and cherished. Whenever things got heavy, he would say things like, The idea of hurting you hurts me the most. I held onto those words like a lifeline.

At the beginning he was loving understanding and saying that he wants to take care of me in every way but over time, the reality of who he is came out. I found out he has a history of targeting vulnerable people specifically looking for and talking to girls on Reddit who were struggling with mental health issues.

When things started falling apart and I was in deep distress, the way he treated me became terrifying. When I was panicking, instead of helping me, he would push me onto the bed and physically pin me down, telling me that I could control my self harm if I wanted to. When I tried to push him off me to protect myself, he turned it around and told me that I was the abusive one. He would also blame me for my own self-harm, using my lowest moments against me as a weapon, and accuse me of being manipulative.

Right now, my body is physically reacting to the shock and exhaustion I feel sick to my stomach, I can not concentrate, and I am completely drained. How can I cope with this and how can I calm myself down?