RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria)

Just had a really great experience. I never felt such a deep piercing that went through my heart into my soul.

The thing was I tried. I tried to be involved in a social group even though I was told that these other people wanted me around. And Ive isolated hard because Ive been told I dont have much longer to live. But Im also hearing that I have a chance at fighting because I'm being challenged. -And so I wanted to spend time because another person mentioned I was becoming 'reclusive'.

I asked if the person wanted me there. And he took a real long pause and he said the the other said that he didnt mention me coming. Joked about pushing me down the stairs (whether that be intentionally hurtful or not.).

It felt like psychological manipulation.
Stuff like "you don't wanna go, you can just stay here". I felt discouraged with some more things said. I asked if I could go again he said "it'd just be me and X". He asks if I wanna come and said "I don't wanna come if I don't feel welcome".

He left for a while and didn't come back and say anything for a good while.

He hinted and passively joked a few minutes ago that he needs a new sister and should set the one he has for adoption (because I have disabilities) and I guess I'm worthless. Pretty much what he was saying. I said "I know what you're doing.". He made an unrelated XYZ joke after and used that as a defense. I said "before you said all that". And I said "I know you mean it". Something along the lines of "you're intentionally hurting me, I know you meant that". He replies with "No, I didn't, "I've joked with you like this for years". Later on he's like "what's wrong with you?". "OH, is this is something from psychology?". And I've also replied with​ "I don't want to answer". Asks if I'm okay, "are you feeling bad?"

This whole conversation had left my body in a freeze mode with a rapid heartbeat.

He said he invited me with our friend, I refused and I told him I felt uncomfortable being around them. Calls me a lazy a-- whenever he leaves.