44[f4m] Germany/UK/ONLY. Looking for a man between the ages of 36 - 50.

I’m a 44-year-old German single woman and, frankly, a rather good secondhand deal. Gently used, reasonably well maintained, comes with tattoos, piercings and a functioning sense of humour.

I am 100% childfree and intend to stay that way.**

I’m looking for a heterosexual, childfree man in Europe for a monogamous relationship. British is very much preferred because, apparently, I have a weakness for Brits and their accents. 🇬🇧

So, what exactly are you getting?

* 1.82 m tall, average weight, short hair, tattoos and piercings

* I like instant physical attraction. Chemistry is not something I’m prepared to assemble from IKEA instructions.

* Non-religious

* Dental nurse 🦷 yes, I notice your teeth

* Gym mouse 🐭. I work out regularly and will probably talk about my workouts more than any reasonable person should

* I play guitar. Badly at times, but enthusiastically. 🎸

* Reading and long walks

* I discuss the weather with suspicious frequency. 🌦️

* Introvert, but perfectly capable of telling you exactly what I think

* I have boundaries and, amazingly, I expect them to be respected

* Meat eater. Sorry, vegans. This particular software update is not happening.

* Cat person 🐈‍⬛. I can and will talk about cats. Frequently. At length. Dogs, however, are not really my thing.

* Concerts and bars, crowds don’t frighten me

* Heavy metal, death metal and glorious demonic growling ❤️🎵🎸

* Old Hollywood films

* James Bond

* British men and British accents 🇬🇧

* Antique flea markets

* Early mornings, I’m an early bird rather than a nocturnal goblin

* True crime

* Peanuts, Garfield and Looney Tunes

* The occasional Lego construction project

* An annoying amount of useless trivia stored in my brain

Moderate libido. Clean chats only. This is not OF with a German accent.

My love language is touch and affection. I love cuddling and snuggling. Once I’m comfortable with someone, I also like sending selfies, voice messages and little videos.

⸻

What I’m looking for

Ideally, you:

* Are actually single. Yes, this apparently needs saying.

* Have a normal weight, take care of yourself, maintain good personal hygiene and are at least reasonably physically active. I’m not attracted to dad bods, so please don’t try to sell me one as a “feature”.

* Can actually hold a conversation and are genuinely interested in me and my life

* Are happy to message a few times a day.

* Are emotionally available and have dealt with your unresolved emotional baggage. I’m looking for consistency, not an exciting new episode of Where Has He Gone?

* Have a job

* Are preferably an early bird too

* Do not have children and absolutely do not want children. Ever. This is non-negotiable.

* Are from Europe and live in or reasonably close to my European time zone. I’m not looking for an overseas LDR or a relationship involving a heroic amount of time-zone mathematics

* Are 36–50 years old. This is non-negotiable, so please respect it. I’m not looking for a significant age gap in either direction.

* Are non-religious

* And if you happen to be British… well, that certainly won’t hurt your application. 🇬🇧

🚫 Absolutely no smoking, drugs or vaping

None. Nada. Zilch.

Occasional drinking is absolutely fine.

I am, however, a militant non-smoker. I hate smoking with the passion usually reserved for crowded subways and people who stop in the middle of a busy pavement.

And no, vaping isn’t a loophole. Nice try.

I also don’t exchange pictures, particularly not five minutes after saying hello. Let’s retain at least a tiny bit of mystery.

⸻

Think you might be the chap?

Then please send me a short message telling me a couple of things about yourself and why you think you tick my boxes.

Please include:

🇬🇧 Your location

🎂 Your age

👤 A couple of things about yourself

✅ Why you think we might be a good match

And please, for the love of all things British, read the profile first. Danke.