Marriage after cheating.

My husband was “emotionally cheating” on me for 3 years. I’m honestly trying to figure out how to handle it, I feel weirdly because I’m kind of meh about it and I can’t decide if it’s a trauma response, if I was just used to expecting nothing of him or if I actually don’t care.

Here’s the timeline:

My husband and I started our business together 2019

His mom died in November 2021

I had our son April 2023

He helped drive one of our friends back to a different state with all their stuff beginning of May 2023 on that trip he reconnected with a woman that he had known since he was 12. He moved from their home state at 17 but they reconnected for a year in his twenties. She currently lives in a different state.

They have talked off and on since 2023, sexted and sent pic and videos. I found out a few weeks ago.

I got pregnant in 2025 and had our daughter at the end of it.

So here’s the hard part for me: from 2022 until current I have been dealing with him completely diving into goals and hobbies that are selfish and leave him with no time or attention to give to me or our family. Treated like a burden or a chore to do. Like he is trapped and resents us and anything to do with us. I almost left during my recent pregnancy because I’m a lover girl and hate being in this shitty roommate relationship.

To me the emotional cheating is more forgivable than the abandonment, neglect and manipulation that has happened for 4 years. I had accepted the version of himself he was giving her didn’t exist anymore and that if I stay I have to accept this is just who he is now. I attributed it partly to his mother passing and partly to our businesses success and accompanying stress.

So here’s where the mind fuck is:

The day I found out, I was filing divorce papers. It felt bittersweet, like I finally had an out. He begged me to go to counseling. He told me he would sign the business exclusively over to me, let me download apps on his phone, give me iCloud passwords, cheat back etc. I still want to separate for a while to process since we have two young children and I don’t have a lot of time to breathe.

Since then he has gotten a therapist and psychologist as well as paid for “married game” classes and mentorship. He quit 90% of his extracurricular crap. He’s present with the kids he’s taking all my emotions and not freaking out. He’s doing inner child trauma work. He’s caring about school clothes shopping and holiday decorating and me getting to do art again. He’s being the partner I cried for so many times. He’s reminding me that at one point we were friends and we were close. I keep asking him when this is going to change and he keeps telling me the goal chasing was a mask and he finally feels like he’s getting to live the life he wanted.

So wtf do I do? Has anyone had a partner cheat and then they actually have a wake up call because I’m having trouble getting past the fact that if I stay with him and get cheated on again it’s my fucking fault for staying…

If we didn’t have the business and kids I would bounce in the night with no opportunity for reconciliation because obviously he doesn’t have respect for me and I don’t feel the need to respect someone willing to betray me… maybe that’s petty but whatever.

He was cheating my son’s entire life. All of those memories. And he claims it was very intermittent and there were gaps but the whole time he was emotionally starving me. I know there will be the people who feel how I always felt of once a cheater, always a cheater, but how do I take my kids away from their father that they genuinely adore? Even with his shitty attitude when he was home he would give them time and was more helpful than most dads I hear about so I have a lot of conflicting feelings here.

Any success stories? Any cheaters that quit after therapy? Or does everyone just get betrayed again and feel more dumb the second time?

tl;dr has anyone made it past betrayal and cheating successfully in a marriage? Is it possible?