My husband is an addict and I don’t know if it’s time to let him go.

Me (30F) and my husband (39M) have been together for 5 years and married for 3. No children. For, say, 2y8 months of our marriage, he has been doing drugs. First heroin and meth, and then just meth. He has been an addict on and off his whole life, even served a 7 years prison sentence because of it. He goes through maybe 1 week to a month clean, then he relapses. He believes treatment won’t help because he’s had so much of it in his life and didn’t help. He is a very functioning addict overall. He holds down a job, rest of life is pretty normal. I’m just tired of the irritability, the nights or meals I spend alone, the never knowing whether he is using or not. It’s been a lot. More than a lot. We have had countless conversations over the years. Today I told him he either gets professional help or I’m out the door (figuratively, we bought a house 3mo ago and neither of us can afford to move out atm).

He said all the usual stuff he says when I try to get him any form of professional help. That I don’t have his back, what do I even know about struggling, that my love is conditional, that he’ll “up his life insurance policy because he cares about me”, that I belittle him (I have NEVER EVER shamed him for his drug use. I believe this is a reflection of how he feels about himself), that I only pretended to care, that nobody has ever loved him, just like his mom/dad/kids etc. I also don’t, that he’s a burden on everyone’s life etc.

I have no trust left. I have caught him using something like 30 times throughout the years when he said he was clean. I am a super health-oriented person, I workout 5x a week, I eat healthy, I am in therapy, we used to share family and health goals. At this point I don’t even know if we’ll ever have our own family. I don’t even know what a normal marriage is supposed to feel like at this point. As you can imagine our sex life is poor, since our whole intimacy is messed up. Also caught him watching porn 4 times or so (which wouldn’t strictly be an issue for me in itself but mixed with the drugs and the poor relationship it kind of is).

I know he struggles. I know he believes he is trying all he can. He said I attribute every issue we have to our addiction, when I also do so much wrong, but he has also never mentioned anything to me. I would be very open to listening and fixing what needs fixed. I clearly very much still love him, or I wouldn’t be here saying any of this. Please tell me, what am I supposed to even do? Is this “rock bottom”? I guess I’m looking for any insights, specifically from either addicts or spouse of an addict on what to do. Do I stand my ground and separate? I know damn well he’s guilt tripping me. Is there anything I can do to help him?