Have I been undiagnosed my whole life?

F (23)
Is it possible that I’m Autistic and late to develop social awareness until as of recently or is it possible that I use to appear autistic because of other mental health issues? until I was around 21 I couldn’t maintain a job. For more than a few months sometimes even a few weeks I couldn’t grasp simple tasks, that all my peers around me could very easily and fast. I felt very flawed just as a person in general, I didn’t feel normal but I didn’t know why, I just thought that’s how I was.

I remember my social skills and social cues were so off that I couldn’t tell when another person was “off” like people around me would say how one of customers very obviously special needs or autistic and I literally could not tell or the same thing with like a person who was maybe a drug addict under the influence again I couldn’t tell but now in my adult life I’m able to pick up something like that very clearly, or another example is when someone would say something another person did was weird I couldn’t pick up on that either or understand what was weird about it.

I remember my job that I had when I was 18 years old, i worked with peers about the same age, and I remember how socially awkward I was, I can see it all now from a perspective of self-awareness but at the time I didn’t understand. I was very awkward with interactions between co workers and customers, I would ask random personal questions that would make my coworkers uncomfortable, like going up to them and saying “what school did you go to” or “whats your favorite food” seeming childlike for my age. Some of the co workers would even say stuff like “why are you asking me that” and instead of reflecting on my lack of social skills I took it as other people were being mean to me.

but now in my adult life I can maintain normal and healthy coworker relationships, everyone thought I was very weird at past jobs/ schools and didn’t like me for that reason and now I find it to be the opposite in my work life, Im not sure if I just learned how to handle social situations better, or possibly mental development or change of environment.

I wonder if it’s a matter of the delayed mental development or something else if it is just a matter of late mental development or maturity, I guess my question would be why. I wonder if some mental development could have been hindered by the abuse that I went through during developmental years. Or maybe I’ve have been undiagnosed this whole time and I’m just finally learning how to “mask” it.

I think I started acting differently because I was tired of being treated like the weird girl. So I just started talking less and paying attention to the things the “normal” people around me said and did until i eventually feel like I conformed enough to maintain a job and a solid reputation with my peers/ co workers in my current situations. I looked back on how unaware I was socially and it literally makes me cringe. Like why did it take me so long and I wish I knew what I now now sooner.

Looking back on my childhood now all the signs pointed to autistic traits and I don’t know how no one noticed before, I only got along with other “weird” kids and social rejects, I had one subject in school that I hyper fixated on and could tell you everything about but failed all my other classes because I just couldn’t grasp it no matter how hard I tried, my mother use to scold me and yell at me and call me stupid and hit me, until I eventually just gave up on trying in school because I couldn’t learn like the other kids.

Even in adult life even though I have learned to conform a lot better in social situations I still sometimes find that people think I am rude if standoffish because I am too awkward and worried about being weird that I don’t start any social interactions at all, I only speak when I’m spoken to and I try to keep the conversations very professional and what I think would be considered relevant.

I’m definitely ranting but I’ve been thinking about this for a while does any one have any similar experience and gotten a proper diagnosis? Any feedback is appreciated thanks !!