Deepest desire

I’ve struggled with my sexual identity since my teens, even fooled around with a distant male cousin and liked it. Recently I’ve exchanged pics with a guy on Grindr, he convinced me to shave myself smooth and wear my wife’s panties for him to see and jerk off to. It feels great knowing this guy would sexually satisfy me in every way, I’m just nervous about actually doing it. I would really like for him to really dress me up and humiliate me while he’s using me to drain his nut sack