I’m breaking the cycle

I’ve been lurking on this sub for awhile, with the knowledge that I have a problem always slightly underneath my day to day psyche.

A couple weeks ago, we didn’t order the box wine from the grocery store, and I ran out that same day. Instead of going out I decided I could go a week without. That week comes and goes and as my wife orders that box of wine she makes a remark saying how happy she was I didn’t drink that week. Alarm bells started ringing but my brain told me false alarm.

We order the box, I go back to every other day glasses of wine.

Then last weekend I have my fantasy football draft. I didn’t quite blackout, but I was foolish. Woke up the next morning, went golfing but there was no way to make it through the round that hungover so I started drinking at 8am.

Get home, jump in the pool, pour a bunch of wine to stave off the hangover.

Fast forward multiple days and I hate myself and my hangover. Wife isn’t mad, but there’s something brewing. In her and me.

I decide it’s time to break the cycle. I come from a long line of alcoholics. While I don’t drink every day, when I do drink I drink a lot. I saw a post on here where someone said it was like playing Russian roulette, most times I drink it’s fine. A couple glasses, no biggie. Then that one time happens and I’m a fool.

So no more! I’m now 8 days in and I couldn’t be happier. The best part is we are at a family vacation, I’m bartending for the family making margaritas and facilitating a great time for them. Yet I’m still having laughs and having fun with everyone. I thought I’d be bored. I thought I wouldn’t be funny. That’s just not the case at all.

The best part? My wife is loving on me and I know it’s because she doesn’t have to worry about me. My kids, get a fully present dad. The love is real and I feel it fully.

I’m thirty five and proud of myself. This community has done a lot for me just reading real stories from internet strangers. While my decision to break the cycle didn’t stem from a traumatic event, it very well could have. So I’m thankful I made the choice now instead of waiting. I’m proud to be a part of this community. I Will Not Drink With You Today!