I wanna be free

I think I have hit my limit pretending. I wanna be free. I gave this guy a chance thinking maybe I’ll learn to love but I can’t. I want freedom. I don’t wanna be with a man anymore.

Back story. Last year I met this guy here on Reddit. August 2025. He messaged me when I posted about books. He’s ok. I told him upfront I don’t wanna date because I just gotten out of relationship, June 2025 when I moved out from ex’s after I graduated. I was miserable with him and big part of reason why I don’t wanna be with a man anymore.

I gave this a guy a chance but I told him I’ll bring to some gatherings (I’m Filipino), maybe he’ll meet other Filipinas there because I don’t really wanna date. I told him about my sexuality I said I’m bi, and I think that really confused him that he thinks it’s ok to just blatantly call other girls hot or beautiful. This one particular Filipina i was telling him, don’t you think she’s beautiful? And then he said yeah she’s pretty hot.

Obviously I didn’t like that, but for different reason. This Filipina is a friend. A friend. This potential bf just called my friend hot.

And it was very triggering because my ex fvcked 2 Filipinas, basically cheated on me (these men are white).

Now it’s almost a year now since I met this guy and gave him a chance and I still havent forgotten that, that happened December and November when i agreed for us i date, and he keeps telling that maybe it’s a little bit shallow so i stayed.

Now whats problem? I have STI (hsv) i got it from that ex. This guy knew about it. I told him right away thinking maybe it would deter him but it didn’t. He still wanted to date, but after that incident calling my friend he was still clean, and i was backing out to date. Just to be clear we started having sex early on because i was thinking maybe that’s what he only wanted, and he was clean for a while until this year of June that he got it.

But I really don’t wanna be with him and I feel trapped. Him calling my friend is still in my head and i keep thinking maybe he’s just staying because he’s got hsv now.

And as crazy as it sounds I’m hoping that he would just cheat on me so I’ll have an actually reason for us not to date.