I hate myself

I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself for what I have found. For what I could have done. I did this to myself.

Lie to yourself if you must. You had no idea before. There was no moment you had every tool at your disposal but YOUR FUCKING COWARDICE kept you from doing anything. DO NOT TEST THIS THEORY. DO NOT GO LOOKING. The only thing worse than suspecting you could’ve dealt with this earlier is knowing.

I have many other things to write but when I write them my journal app tells me to call a number so I won’t. Pleasant dreams to all. I’ll go to bed and maybe get over myself about this someday.

I’ll make it through. Everything will be better eventually. But I will never, never, never as long as I live, make up for the consequences of my actions. And I have a written account that it was indeed my actions.