Father in Law, early 70s, diagnosed and starting chemo.

Hola friends,

I have found almost nothing in regard to supporting a spouse whose parent has been diagnosed, so here I am.

What’s bothering me is my husband has only talked about this TWICE, and he’s not acting any different. We found out roughly 3 weeks ago..? I have next to no knowledge about his dad’s condition atm.

What I do know:

-had surgery and removed what I assume was a tumor. Waited on test results post surgery.
•husband seemed optimistic

-results came back and chemo is starting soon
•husband said it was serious and his dad thinks he doesn’t have much time left. No change in demeanor at all from my husband.

Things with his step dad just started to get really good, he went no contact for 4 years about 2 years ago. Which is why him not saying much is worrisome. My FIL and I also clicked very well after no contact ended.

His mother has said she does not like me, her and I are almost complete opposites. She has textbook narcissistic tendencies, I have to set boundaries due to the lack of emotional intelligence and self awareness. I cannot stand her belittling my husband and his siblings for ONLY her to laugh. Fat shaming and things of that nature. She has lied about so many BIG things that I do not believe what she says most of the time.

That being said, my husbands mother told him that she believes she’s “got 5 years left before he dies” and I am afraid that her psychological state is exacerbating his step dads fear, and will worsen my husbands pain that has yet to surface. My FIL is in his 70s, retired, bad knees, and grown so much personally. His mother thinks she knows better than an actual doctor, 3 years ago she tried to convince me to not start my medications for ADHD and Depression for almost 30 minutes straight. I fear she will interfere with his treatment… 😞

I would love recommendations on books and YouTube videos. Advice is always appreciated. I want to be a positive part of this situation for my husband and his step dad.