Women who choose to not leave their shitty boyfriends/husbands are not victims, they simply lack character development/growth

Here’s the thing, people have choices. They have always had choices. And now? Women have more choices than ever. We have access to financial independence, careers, education, bodily autonomy, etc. Yes I know this doesn’t apply to E V E R Y O N E in every situation in every country. But I honestly am so tired of how much women who have chosen to stay with shitty boyfriends/husbands have made it their whole personality when they are choosing that situation.

Honestly, what’s even worse, are the women who do eventually leave their boyfriend/husband and then think all men are terrible afterwards. The reality is MOST WOMEN who have dated men have dated horrible men. They are literally unavoidable. But eventually, you LEARN, and GROW, and CHANGE. If a woman cannot get herself out of dating shitty men the problem is not the men - the problem is that she isn’t doing the character growth she needs to find and maintain a better relationship.

I’m so tired of hearing women complain about how much their lives got destroyed because they dated/married a shitty man. You can change your life direction. You can grow and MOVE ON. Don’t get me wrong, you’re allowed to be angry and grieve the life and time lost on a shitty guy, but at some point you gotta take some responsibility and CHANGE. And for those who often end up in abusive situations, the abusive relationship mimics addiction. So yes, it is more difficult to leave when the relationship is abusive, but it is still possible. People recover from addiction and abusive relationships all the time. The only difference is the INDIVIDUAL. Not the drug. Not the man. Not the addiction. It takes the PERSON to get their shit together and get better.

It’s just crazy to me because these women who turn against all men because of being with a shitty boyfriend/husband for too long do it under the guise of “FeMiNiSm” without even realizing saying that all men are the problem IS PART OF THE PATRIARCHY. The patriarchy WANTS WOMEN TO HATE MEN. The patriarchy wants us to be DIVIDED and fight AGAINST each other and PIT US AGAINST ONE ANOTHER. So any time a woman comes out with all this man-hating speech is actively HURTING the goal of feminist ideology. I’m not saying they don’t have a right to be hurt or angry, but to assume that ALL men are eventually going to be terrible is only making things worse!!!

I don’t even recognize feminism today. It disgusts me. It’s nothing that I’ve learned. I feel like so many women side eye you if you love and honor and cherish the men in your life. BOTH men and women are flawed and problematic. I’m not saying that women shouldn’t be pissed off about being with a shitty guy, but MOVE ON. Find a better man! Or better, just be alone for awhile! And if you don’t know why you can’t find a better man, then keep working on yourself. You CAN and WILL figure it out eventually. So saying that a woman who stays with a shitty boyfriend/husband is doing so because she’s actively choosing it, is NOT victim blaming. She’s not a victim. She can change her situation. It’s not easy, but it’s possible. BILLIONS of women leave their shitty boyfriends/husbands all the time, have a beautiful and fulfilling life afterwards, and can even find a better and more fitting man because THEY LEARNED FROM THAT RELATIONSHIP ON HOW TO BE BETTER!!!

I was in several abusive relationships before my current one. I tolerated horrible treatment because I didn’t understand myself and my role in the world. I was angry and hated men for YEARS. Then, when I met my current partner he changed everything. He taught me what REAL men are like. What healthy and true masculinity looks like. He loves me better than my own mother does. And do you know why I have such a good partner? Because I took TIME to work on myself and heal and grow and learn from all of my other shitty relationships to pick the right one. Yes, part of it was luck, don’t get me wrong. But I learned better, and I did better, and now I’m reaping the rewards. It was hard and it sucked but I did the work, and I have such a better and deeper appreciation for men than I ever had before. I see the value of men in ways that my old jaded version of feminism blinded me too. Because I was focused more on my hurt than on my role on how I could make my life better. So it’s not like I don’t get it. But if I can do better, I know others can too.