Kundalini and suicidal thoughts TRIGGER WARNING

Is this normal? I have no intent or plan. But sometimes these passive thoughts will pass by “ there’s so much suffering on earth, people are cruel, this planet is trash and I don’t want to be here anymore in this hell like realm”

I have thoughts about what it’d be like in the afterlife, and if it would be better. I also hypothetically think about if I could live on a planet that was more kind, humane or spiritual if I would like to live.

I have the will to live, I have the motivation to be here to be here for those I love but also to heal myself and my trauma and to hopefully make a positive change on this earth

It’s just since my kundalini awakening, I feel more aware of my mortality, it’s very uncomfortable, I feel too aware of my body, and I’ve been thinking about death a lot more in general, and what it’s going to be like when I die and if it happened now what would I leave behind. A part of me wonders if these feelings of suicide were suppressed, I do have a history of feeling extremely suicidal in the past and have actually had a near death experience as a result of trying when I was 15.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve been through so much, and genuinely feel like I have seen enough of my 26 years of living. But deep down I still have this fire inside of me to keep going even if I feel this way.