Want to tell my mom about my thoughts but can’t

I’ve struggled with depression since I was 13, and I’ve had periods where things have been better and periods where they’ve gotten worse. I’ve also experienced suicidal thoughts periodically throughout my life, although the intensity and frequency have varied.
Since moving into college a few weeks ago, though, I’ve been feeling significantly more suicidal. I don’t have a plan or anything like that, but I’ve been having this overwhelming feeling that I don’t want to be here anymore.
What’s been really difficult is that whenever I talk to someone about how badly I’m struggling, without mentioning the suicidal thoughts, they usually tell me that the transition to college is hard for a lot of people and that I’ll adjust soon. I understand that the transition can be difficult, but this feels much deeper than just having a hard time adjusting or struggling with friends.
More than anything, I want to talk to my mom about what I’ve actually been thinking and feeling. I’m just really scared to tell her because I’m afraid I’ll be hospitalized again. Right now, she thinks I’m mainly struggling socially and with friends, but that isn’t the whole picture.
I’m actually texting with the suicide hotline right now, but the responses have been very slow and I haven’t found it very helpful. I’ve been sitting on a park bench crying for a long time because I don’t really know what to do or who to tell.
I think I mostly just need someone to understand that this is more serious than normal college adjustment and that I’m really struggling right now.
I’m sorry if this is really jumbled my head is just not in a great place right now.