My Vent- And hopefully helpful words for others, below. 🫶🏻

Hello everyone, I came to vent for now to release my feelings to maintain my sanity.

Right now I’m feeling hatred, and it’s very uncomfortable to feel so much of it. Usually I would shame myself and talk down to myself, as I was taught that all my emotions are shameful, and incorrect, especially any negative emotions about my parents.

But this time, I want to change that, so I will do my best to be gentle with myself, and talk to myself as I would if I were talking to myself as a child. (My inner child) Which I will do offline. I need to release my hatred thoughts here first.

My hatred thoughts-

I hate my parents voices!
I hate seeing their faces!
I hate seeing them at all!
When they’re not around, I feel much better!
I hate them I hate them I hate them!
I want nothing to do with them!

I hate that they chose to be an abuser!
I hate that they chose, and still actively choose to not get help. I hate that they chose the path of hurting others, instead of choosing to grow and be better!

I just want to cry my eyes out writing this. It hurts! Everything hurts so much! It hurts it hurts it hurts! I’m so angry!!! Nobody should have to experience this pain!!! Ever! The worst part is that I don’t actually hate my parents, which is one of the reasons why it all hurts so much.

I wish things could have been different. I just hate the people they chose to be. I despise their decisions and actions, but deep down I will always love my parents. However, loving someone doesn’t mean I can’t let them go.

That’s the end of my vent-

My incredible friend taught me these wonderful things I’m going to talk about below. They have been helping me process my emotions better, and I’d love to share this with you all, as it has been helping me slowly. ❤️

Emotions are like feeling hungry, thirsty, or cold. They just happen. Emotions themselves are neither healthy or unhealthy. Only how you choose to respond to your emotions is what can be healthy or unhealthy. But emotions themselves? They’re just natural responses to what you have experienced/are experiencing. Your emotions are valid, and natural.

(For clarification for these next parts- I like to think about each of my emotions as individual inner children, because this way of thinking about my emotions and processing through them is what helps me personally.) If you have another way you’d like to think about/process through your emotions, I would recommend trying it! People learn in different ways, and the goal is to find whichever way supports you/works for you the best.❤️

So! It’s about our unhealed inner children, except each emotion is another inner child. For example-

I named my hatred emotion, “Dragon Girl” She is one of my inner children. She always fights for justice! She has huge flames of anger surrounding her! She hates people who harm others! She gets really angry when anyone gets hurt, so she’s very protective of me. Sometimes she merges with me and takes over.

Now! I’ll give you an example of what I call merging with one of my inner children. Merging with an inner -child = One of my emotions taking over completely. That can happen!

In that moment, when one of my inner children are trying to, or do take over, my goal is to try to find what she needs in that moment. (My inner child = me, one of my emotions.) (Finding my need = finding her need.) So by taking care of myself in that moment, I am taking care of my lovely inner-children. For example, they (I) may need comfort and reassurance in that moment, or maybe they (I) need something else.

Letting my emotions take over permanently, isn’t helpful to my inner children. We have to remember that our inner children may not be fully healed, and they’re little kids, so while they’re very smart, they aren’t always going to be right.

For example, let’s say my sadness emotion, inner child (Hope) takes over- She may be telling my brain all these hurtful things, such as, “You should have done this instead! You shouldn’t have done this thing! You’re useless! How could you do that? You can’t do anything right! You’re a monster and pathetic!”

Now, these thoughts are not true! An unhealed part of my little girl has taken over, and she thinks she’s protecting me by talking to me in the only way she ever learned how to. Through shame and other things. So that’s exactly why it’s so incredibly important to be able to learn how to recognize when one of our inner children (emotions) are taking over. It could be one, or multiple emotions at once! It can be very hard to recognize and pinpoint which one(s) they are.

But! It’s also very important to know that this is not about controlling your emotions. It’s about providing a safe space for your inner children to feel these emotions, and then to release them in a healthy way.

I truly hope this all makes sense, and that this can be helpful to someone. I started learning this a couple of months ago. I’m also not a professional or anything like that. Just a random person who tries their best to survive. Also, you may not be able to find what your needs are immediately, or for a long time. You may not know how to meet your needs yet either. That’s okay! It’s absolutely valid if you aren’t able to find answers immediately, or soon.

This all takes time. It’s challenging to learn about ourselves. It’s honestly a life-long journey, as we are always changing. (Which is what I like to call blossoming.) You’re a beautiful blossoming flower, growing new petals every single day, slowly but surely! Even if you don’t feel that way. That’s okay too. It’s also okay to make mistakes. Making mistakes is valid, and essential for us to learn and grow. You’re so brave, and healing is possible. I believe in you! I know you can do it! 🥹💖