Husband 36/m and wife 36/f please help me understand..?

My husband and I have been married for 3 years. 2 stepchildren for him (13/M and 15/F) and then we share a 4 year old girl. He works from home as a software developer and I work as a nurse Monday-Friday 8-5pm. Our typical day is I am up at 6am and get the myself and the two older kids ready for school before I leave I make sure to empty the dishwasher and wipe down the countertops because our cats have bad habits of sneaking on them at night and I want them to be clean where there will be eating and cooking and then on my way to work I drop them off at their schools and then head to work. During his work day he starts at 8am (lenient on the time of start, most of the time him and the 4 year old sleep until 830/9) he gets her up and dressed and breakfast and starts work. We have a babysitter come over for the 4 year old from 10-430, and he is done with work at 430. The older two usually get rides home from school from their dad or they can walk (we are right by the schools) or have their papa get them. When I get home at 530 my husband usually starts dinner and we eat, if he cooks I will clean up. After cleaning up I will typically feed our cats, pack my lunch for the next day, make sure the older two don’t have homework and lay their water bottles out for the next day. I then will pick up everything that he missed, gran pjs for the 4 year old and lay her outfit for the next day, fold the blanket and put our futon back into a couch because he will typically take a nap during his work day, throw a load of laundry in/fold the one in the dryer and put it away, make the older two kids beds (yes I know they should be doing it but that’s a whole other argument) make my husbands and I’s bed and throw away any garbage on the nights and pick up any dirty clothes on the floor(this is from him only). I get ready for bed around 8 and try to sneak in some homework (I’m working on my masters/ Nurse Practitioner in mental health), then I pick up the living room, fold blankets we used and throw any garbage/cups from the kids. He gets the 4 year old in her PJs and puts her in bed (she sleeps with us), and then repeat it all the next day. He takes the garbage out on Tuesday nights, and is supposed to clean the car litter out every other day but it’s typically done once a week. He also will give our 4 year old baths a few times a week. I am the main person who cleans, every Sunday I like to do a reset, which consists of wiping down counters/sink and throwing any food from the prior week out, clean the table, vacuum, swiffer the floors, dust the living room and do a quick spot check on the couch and chair, dust/vacuum/ swiffer the office, dust/swiffer/vaccum each kids room (3) lysol the toilet/bathroom sink/bathtub and vacuum/swiffer bathroom floor, dust/vacuum/swiffer our room, I also will pick up the carport area because it tends to get messy and any toys left in the yard from the 4 year old and babysitter, I also will plan out dinners for the week and grocery shop, I also will spot check the windows because the 4 year old loves to put her hands all over them. While im doing this he is usually on the couch or sometimes hell take the 4 year old for a walk or to the playground if it’s during warm months (we live in a state that has snow/cold winters). Sometimes he will do things if my 13 year old asks him for help with something, hell sometimes help with homework. But im the main person doing all the cleaning/shopping/making sure everyone is where they need to be (sports/dance/doctors apts). I feel like I do a-lot, and when I mentioned having some help with laundry he got mad at said he shouldn’t have to because our chores are split evenly. I don’t feel that way. It really bothers me, he also says that I over clean and mopping the floors once a week is “too much” and so is stain spotting the kids clothes before putting them in the wash. What sparked it all today was I asked if he would knock out a small brick plantar in our front yard after he helped my son put some lights up while the 15 year old and 4 year old and I went shopping for her homecoming dress and he was irritated I asked for that, maybe im just more traditional and have always thought the man wants to do that stuff for his wife, maybe he’s not as traditional and that’s where we butt heads. He’s also a way messier person than I am and that also causes friction. Im not really sure what I want out of this post, maybe just some outsiders unbiased opinions but I would appreciate anything, my mind is very confused.