How Can I (high libido) Relax into Touch Again?

My wife (37F) and I (33F) (both women) have had a few rough months behind us. Mostly due to her mental health affecting everything around us. This is her first depressive episode in 10 years. We've been married for 6 years, together for 10. She's working really hard in therapy, and slowly the gates of depression and anxiety are lifting. These months have no doubt left scars on both her and me. I'm so proud of her for getting through this!

I also started seeing a counsellor once a week to help me cope with my role as carer. There's definitely some significant burnout on my part. Obviously I will be speaking to my counsellor about the things I'm asking about, but I wondered if people might have insight/ideas.

When I get stressed, my sex drive skyrockets; it's like my body screaming out for dopamine. Her sex drive is super low at the moment due to the depression, and she's also dealing wth a lot of flashbacks from a previous relationship. All of that makes sex very much not possible, and it's perfectly fine for it to be off the table.

Before she got ill, I had expressed wanting us to make room to be sexually intimate more often. My ideal would be at least once a week. It was closer to once every 6 months. The problem is, even when she isn't ill, she kind of forgets sex exists unless I come onto her. Very responsive desire, and every time we do have sex, it ends with her going, "Omg, why do we not do this every day?! This is the best thing ever." Me always being the pursuer doesn't really work for me and makes me feel kind of undesired, if that makes sense. Especially because she's very routine-oriented (autism). So, if I try and come onto her on a Thursday evening and she usually goes to the gym then, she will get very annoyed. Very little space for spontaneity.

Let's get to the actual question, shall we?!

As of yesterday, she expressed wanting more non-sexual physical intimacy. She wants me to relax into her and let go. Ironically, despite my super high sex drive, I'm really struggling with this. It's like my body has started associating her with danger. She hasn't hurt me over the last few months, not physically, but there's been a lot of screaming (in anguish, not at me), and a lot of "using" my body for comfort. I love that she wants hugs from me, but when she hugs me when she's that anxious/tense...it's like all her tension goes into me and makes my stress skyrocket.

Also, there's conscious fear around...what if I relax into her and things get really, really bad again? My body is in super hypervigilance mode, and it just won't... chill.

Yesterday was really lovely. She's asked if we could just lie in bed and look at each other's faces while holding hands. I admitted things like eye contact are really hard for me right now and asked her if she'd get in the shower with me and wash my hair. It was like having something to do that involved touching and caring for me managed to make me able to relax.

Does anybody have any advice for this? Has this ever happened to you? Any other things you can think of for u to do to be able to physically connect without her feeling there's pressure for sex or me getting really tense and scared?

Tl;dr: after months of my wife's poor mental health, my body seems to have started to fear her touch. How can I relax?