Should i keep forgiving my mum in my head when she apologises?

We kind of live in a shitty life and my mom is a hoarder, and my dad works and is asleep a lot but is pretty nice to us except when hes angry which is not often, sometimes when hes really mad he destroys shit but it doesnt make a difference this house is covered in a lot of stuff

Anyways my mum suffers from chronic pain and she says it makes her angry sometimes, she screams at me and hits me sometimes and my siblings a lot on how were retarded just like our dad, how im a bitch, how ill be nothing etc etc, but then she apologises after she does it, and it feels like a genuine apology, im still hurting by what she says because in my head its all contradictory, she tells me i love you a lot but one time where she was cleaning a mess she told me i hate you and youre the biggest problem in my life, she then tells me I'm her biggest pride

She tells me I'm a bitch, im disabled and im retatded and stupid and a dumbass but then tells me im smart and i have a lot of general knowledge

She says i have scars and itll make me ugly but she says im pretty

And a whole bunch of other stuff

Anyways, she genuinely apologises sometimes and she says shes sorry but she also says i said it because you ____ and she seems sorry, sometimes shell get me stuff as an apology. I know she's stressed because of the way were living and how our father acts sometimes and the stuff he does so maybe i should forgive her since she aplogises? But even when she does apologise it still hurts, i still think about it, i still cry etc etc

Extra, i know i seem childish but im almost 16, this is just how i type when im upset lol