Made myself look like a clown by sending long paragraphs

A quick disclaimer, the situation is extremely dumb, my actions were not the smartest either, but maybe someone can read my story and see themselves in it and understand how it can look. Also good to read myself and see how weird everything looked. So let's not shame for obvious stupidity.

Me and my ex were a long distance couple for a year. We're 3 hours away, so obviously couldn't see each other all the time, and obviously the main communication in this case depends on texting and calls. Before someone says that long distance doesn't work. It does. I had a relationship like that for 7 years, we lived together eventually, he passed away from cancer.

Anyways, years later, I've decided to try again, I'm in the same boat thinking it can work. But this relationship sucked right from the start, I guess, I just believed that if I explain things, the other person can understand. Something like "communication is the key". Usually it worked with everyone and usually most people want to understand each other.

I was constantly disrespected and occasionally cheated on (as I've learned recently, I wasn't fully aware of his actions). I didn't walk away, I've tried, but he always kept me in. Probably was holding on to a person that he was at the start, and hoping he can be like this once again. I wrote my paragraphs all the time, thinking that now he will understand me. With each time the paragraphs were longer and longer, because my brain went "if I add more details, maybe NOW he will get it". But no, at most he would agree just to agree and that's it, a week later he would shit on me again.

Another day goes by and he goes back to following the same girl he kept flirting with our whole relationship and explains it with "she has a bf, we're just friends". Somehow him having a girlfriend didn't stop her or him from doing all that. I wasn't having it at this point, because he lied to me that he blocked her, then he lied again that he has no contact with her, so obviously he will lie again. So we had a conversation, again, he didn't understand the issue, but for some reason started asking me questions about my reactions. Obviously now my reaction is the problem, not his actions that caused it. It felt to me like genuine questions and once again I went "I'll explain as detailed as possible, a least he might understand something before I leave". You can guess what was the outcome, he didn't even read anything. So I just left looking like a clown.

I can't even say that I'm crying about cutting him off. I mostly feel ashamed that I put myself through it and didn't have enough respect to just leave. I kept talking to a wall, trying to get him understand something, but sometimes if things are not understood after the first try, it's better to not push it. I've heard so much shit in my address, that I can't even comprehend it. All of that, because I was begging for respect from someone that didn't care, and probably only liked my attention, nothing else. He didn't care even one bit if I'm hurt.

So if someone is in the same cycle, please, I'm begging you, just leave. Don't try to explain, this is not the case, when you can talk everything through, if they don't understand you the first time, they will never understand it. Maybe there is a tiny chance of that, but is it worth going through pain?