**helloo everyone!!**

I’ve been really hesitant to share this because dating across cultures is really different so what I say might not resonate with everyone but I just can’t stop thinking about it. 

Last year I (20F) was a volunteering summer intern at a small tech company. There I met a guy who was a long term intern who was slightly older than me and would start working once he got his degree. I found him really attractive and fell harder once I got to know him. He was also really attentive toward me but not at all creepy. 

A few weeks after my internship I texted him and he responded very well like 10 messages each time so we texted for like 10 days but he’d take like an entire day to respond so eventually I thought maybe he’s just not interested and said I enjoyed talking but I guess you’re busy so bye 

2 days later he texted me if I could also text some other girl working there because supposedly she was upset I texted him instead of her. Now I’d love to elaborate on this but it’ll be too long. Upon this we texted for another 10 days to which I stopped it politely again because I had very strong feelings which I had no idea if he had too.

Fast forward to December suddenly he texts me at like 11pm. We talk until 1am he’s kinda flirty kinda not. The next day he texted me good morning and from that we texted everyday for 1.5 months. During these 1.5 months he mostly didn’t text me for hours at a time but he is really busy between both work and school to be fair, the days he didn’t go to work he would text quickly and checked up on me. He really cared at some point. Whenever I suggested we meet up he had to decline because of work & school. I had attempted to confess my feelings/ ask him on a date twice to which I never got the chance. The last week we spoke he invited me to watch him play a video game via google meets and we spoke for 7 hours live twice. That weekend his grandfather passed away and I said I’d give him space which he said he would really appreciate.  He never texted me again. After months I went to his school (which my friend also goes to) for their festival and I called him but he was at work and wasn’t really interested. Our final interaction was when I wished him a happy birthday so he thanked me and asked for mine. I told him but he never wished me anything to be fair it was during his finals week so whatever. Obviously there are more details which I could answer if you’d like but I just want to clarify we are both kinda religious. So his intentions were never inappropriate. The thing is he had every quality I ever wanted in a life partner and this unresolved sudden departure from my life really upset me. I mean I had been thinking about him even before he texted me so the night he texted me was very exciting. To be fair I’ve never had anyone interested in dating me. I always thought that guys look at me physically and decide not to approach but if they’d given me a chance and get to know me they would like me. I’m not saying I’m ugly I just wouldn’t be anyone’s first choice. This experience kinda stung as in maybe my personality doesn’t hold up either. Anyway I wonder if it was my fault for not checking up on him during his grandfathers passing but I thought it would be insensitive to text him when he explicitly wanted space. I kinda just wanna go and tell him everything I’ve felt for the last year, if it doesn’t work out at least . On the other hand I don’t want be out in an even more embarrassing situation than I’m already in. Sometimes I feel like it’s mot my fault but rather he decided his career was more important because he was a really ambitious person and I really admired that about him. I wouldn’t have been trouble in fact I’d be happy to help with anything. Especially after I’ve seen dating horrors on this app I feel like my pride isn’t worth skipping on what I believe is a perfect match and even if he didn’t love me I think us being together would still make sense and it would last kinda like an arranged marriage. I don’t know can’t I do anything to make this better or at least be his friend. 

should I arrange my own arranged wedding by any chance??