I feel dirty and I need help processing this

M - Gay
The first time we met and hooked up they told me that they liked younger and showed me a video on twitter of someone younger yeah, but was 18, I told him I wasn’t into that kind of stuff and he respected it an moved on, yeah it wasn’t my cup of tea but I didn’t judge he told me it was just fantasy and 18 is of “legal age.” So he wasn’t doing anything wrong legally this time though I was changing a video we put on scrolling through his telegram to see what kind of stuff he liked and saw the videos, at first I thought the resolution was bad and I opened one. He saw the look on my face and tried to explain it, which I guess the explanation explains why he does what he does but the way he was talking about it just seemed wrong, and I basically said I hated it and they shouldn’t exist, they have no say or no clue what’s going on, I won’t go into detail but when I see a kid, I just see a little person not understand what’s going on in my altered state of mind I kept going back opening it telling myself that I’m really seeing what I’m seeing. I brushed it off for the night and when I went home I fell asleep. But now this morning sober I feel sick, in both stages of mind I just knew that this isn’t something I can brush off and write off as a weird guy likes weird things I’ve met people with a bunch of kinks and not all of them I’ve given the old college try, just respectfully declined to do those things, but I knew I had to report him. It was weird because he seemed nice, we’ve had conversations about life and yeah drugs are bad but it’s been cool vibes started thinking maybe I can learn a thing or two but then actually seeing how far it goes that it’s not just something in your imagination, I was clueless on what to do. I feel like throwing up the images in my head will never go away, it makes me confused and angry because I see no possible reason that this would turn anyone on, even in my absolutely fried state of mind, I couldn’t think my name but I knew something I wanted no part of is in front of me and I want it gone.
Overall feeling, scared for my safety, and that my actual soul is gone.
I can’t bring myself to open my front door and go to work but I knew I had to report him, so I made an anonymous report. I know I’m probably losing my job today, took yesterday off to go hang for the day. Best reason to get clean if I ever needed one.