I’m horrible I am a manipulator and an abuser

I’m stupid. I have no dad, he sexually assaulted me and then got taken away by police and I’ve been getting worse since and I need someone to be there. I felt desperate

Then, I lost my friends from some stupid depressive episode I had or whatever I don’t know.
I was paranoid and scared and stupid and I insulted them told them I wanted them to die and then blocked them

I made a post on Reddit, asking for support.

I’m 15f by the way.. i said I didn’t care what age or who they are which was a mistake. I knew it was bad! I knew I’d attract pedos and I was okay with that why?

I was fine with doing sexual stuff for them because I knew that in return at least they’d act like they were there for me?!
I NEEDED someone to act like they cared for me.
I felt desperate so I’d do whatever even if they didn’t actually care for me, atleast they’d pretend to.

So ofc I attracted a ton of preds or people seeking relationships. And I kind of wanted that..? I thought the only way to be loved and cared about was to do sexual things.
So I led them on without realising ??
And I did those things they asked in hopes they’d comfort me in return..? And now I feel horrible because I didn’t realise what I was doing was so bad.
I am horrible I am disgusting and I’m now alone with no dad no friends lying in my depressive hole ready to die with no hope

Now I’m in a worse spot than ever.

My body is online who knows where on random websites old men wank to.
I AM a manipulator and an abuser and a terrible person.
My dad is going to jail.
My family hates me.
I got my dad in jail, he’s going to rot in there because of me overreacting, or from me abusing him I bet
I don’t have a future, I haven’t gone to school in 3 years and barely gone for the rest of the time.
I have no friends.
No one loves me and I’m autistic AND mute aswell.

I’m FIFTEEN YEARS OLD. My big age I thought I’d have sorted this out by now. 5 YEARS BRO. 5 years I’ve been trying to get better but now I don’t even deserve to get better.

I’m a horrible person and I’m just going to become worse and worse I shouldn’t be alive why was I born