In all seriousness…

Embracing my authentic self as a woman literally saved my life and taught me how to love who I am, but at 34, I know I’m still missing out on the full, joyful life I deserve because I haven't yet gotten my gender-affirming feminizing surgeries yet.
Those surgeries aren't just a cosmetic preference—they are medically and mentally essential to my peace, my completion, and living fully in my truth.

It hurts to admit how heavy things have felt the passed Spring and Summer. I miss the days when people seemed gentler, sweeter, and more willing to hold space or offer a helping hand when I needed care. Lately, it feels like the moment I express pain or ask for support, people are quick to judge—labeling me as "manipulative", “transactional”, or "attention-seeking" when all I really want is to be held, valued, and cherished. Watching other women get showered with care, gifts, and devotion leaves me wondering why I have to be left feeling like I’m not enough, or if people are holding my past anger against me, when all that anger ever was was just a defense mechanism for a girl trying to survive, which I hoped they would have understood that, and not seem like they were dismissively pathologizing my feelings.

Growing up in a toxic, dysfunctional environment meant I was never taught what healthy, unconditional love actually looks like. So when people default to telling me to "see a therapist" or to “get help”, it completely misses the heart of what I’m asking for. I don't need cold advice; I need genuine warmth, patience, reassurance, and soft places to feel safe.

I am deeply grateful for the compassionate friends and professionals who stand by me now. But I refuse to believe that this pain is the end of my story. I know there is a richer, brighter life waiting for me—one where I am fully comfortable in my body, unconditionally loved, and completely at peace.