I've been caring for my dad to various degrees for the last 7ish years. This year has been hard so far, and I'm afraid by next year that my role as a caregiver will be over. I'm scared.

I couldn't have found this sub at a better time. My dad's not doing well. He's 77. He hasn't been able to walk much the last 7 years bc of some laminectomies that started happening that long ago.

For the last couple of weeks, he can't even stand up. He's falling a few times a week. He'll tell me it's bc of his blood sugar, so I've been staying over there pretty much full time and keeping an eye on it. He says he just needs a few more days to get better. It's not his sugar. He's not getting better.

He looks like a living corpse, not even kidding. He looks like a skeleton with skin. He hasn't been eating for days at a time. He's not getting up to use the bathroom. That's ok when he has to pee (bc he has a legitimate bottle for that), but when he relieves himself the other way.... Well, it's not always solid and the Depends does not always contain it. And I'm doing a LOT of cleaning almost every day anymore. I have spinal stenosis and various back issues myself, so it's getting to be a lot...

He refuses to go to the hospital. He said if I call an ambulance for him he will tell them he's not going with them. He's not mean about it, just says he's not going. I have called 911 before to have somebody help lift him when he fell, and they let him refuse going to the ER. So I know he's not kidding.

I'm not sure how exactly to deal with this. I know he wants to be living on his own terms until he leaves this world. I'm willing to help him with that. I'm just not sure I can do it appropriately anymore. I've been crying a lot at night while everybody's sleeping bc I'm thinking about it too much. My dad is the only family I have left that's not my kids.

I'm also taking care of my kids full time pretty much by myself. They are 8 and 9. Dad's good to the kids, but I'm just starting to worry about what the kids are seeing with his health. Like when he falls and I can't get him up.

What do I do? Do I call APS? Do I call the VA (he's a veteran)? Do I just keep following his wishes? I'm really struggling with what's the right thing to do. I feel like no matter the choice I make, he suffers in some way. He absolutely does not want to live in a care home. I don't blame him. So, do I just continue with this until he's gone? I think he's afraid to talk to anybody about getting more help bc he's afraid they'll force him into a home. I'm willing to be there full time, I'm just worried about the falling.

I would appreciate any advice. Thank you.