Unconditional affection means: "I express love because I love you, not because I am demanding a specific reaction back." So how to be consistent when i am triggered?

Any ideas how to work with my impulses? I have impulses to blame my person and be suddenly cold and distant whenever something triggers me.

I figured out yes i am inconsistent and unstable with my attention and affection towards her. And it hurts me knowing i cause her so pain and unpredictability. We have complicated relation - we are not officially couple but we love each other. I just try to be better for her for a while and i just realised i am not consistent with our communication. I get triggered and i pull away i start blaming her for everything and i don't want to be that person anymore. I understand it has to be difficult and painful for her and i really want to be better.