I don’t like the course im currently studying.

Hello, I’m a Freshman at an okay state university, it was a last minute decision to enroll with this course because I failed 5 out 6 universities that i applied to. I had the option of taking a year off of school and my parents would’ve enrolled me at a cheap private university in a course that i like but i turned it down due to peer pressure and guilt.

Peer pressure because people around me kept on telling me that i would grow to like ChE or that taking a year off is a waste when i have a uni to go to and guilt because even if i do get to study a course that i like, its in private and i know my parents’ effort and exhaustion would double and i felt guilty.

Another feeling that time i had to choose was the feeling of being left out. I know i had my own pace than others but i guess that just added to the pressure.

Now that im here, im currently regretting it. I always think of the past at the time when choosing between a year off or enrolling and i wished i have picked the former. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this because i know they’ll say the same things. “You’ll get through it” “I know you can get past that” but that’s not what im feeling. I don’t think i can survive this program.

I don’t know of i should tell my parents about it but i think they’ll say something similar plus i feel guilty about telling because they spent so much already— with dorm, allowances, books and uniforms.

Idk what to do. I feel sad and scared. I cry almost every night thinking about whether i could survive this or not. I envy my friends who even tho they have a hard program as well but at least they enjoy it.

Thank you for reading:(

P.S.
im not good at math and learns slower than others