Negotiating in Dreams

Quite possibly one of the most humbling experiences in my life is reaching for someone in my dreams, looking into their eyes, tears streaming, hands on their face, begging them not to leave me.

And in a breath, they’re gone - and the dream gone and I settle back into slow consciousness.

As someone who has prided myself on not needing anyone, as being able to do it all by myself.. this has been the most difficult experience.

To look into the mirror, see someone I once believed to be strong only to see gutted, hollowed eyes staring back at me. Sinking down to the floor in the bathroom.

Knees to my chest, rocking myself while gasping for air as I cry into my arms. Tears that have never made an appearance in my adulthood.

I’ve always been someone who has used dreams for a variety of things. Usually it’s for letting out the hurt, the rage that I never let myself release. But my dreams have also predicted the future in ways too, presented me with scenarios almost to prepare myself for. But I wasn’t prepared for this reckoning.