I feel heartbroken all the time

I am a graduate student, I just went back home to take my summer vacation. My father died in a accident just a few days after me going back home.

He died in a ridiculous way. If he were still alive, I would definitely mock at him.

He fell in a house which is under construction. He runs a construction company, he didn't do any on-site construction work for decades and that day is a day off, no workers were there.

His head was struck heavily, so he didn't reply to the emergency call made by his watch. And nobody knew he was there.

He did not need to go there. He had no reason to be there.

When we found him, he has been dead for a long time, which means that while I was playing games or laughing or doing anything during the day, my father lies there, dead.

My father has passed away several months. My life will never be the same again.

I used to be a optimist, I was so happy that I laugh all the day and almost any little thing appears delightful to me. I laugh all the time when I am at home.

Now, every thing that were delightful to me has turned into a sword piercing my heart.

Each time I feel a little happy for playing basketball or anything, I feel so much painful after that.

I will never be carefree.

Days were so perfect for me.