I feel like an incel.

21M. So, its one of those days when i become free and things like this hits my brain. Its holiday and i was on my room all day. I have never dated someone ever, neither do i have a female that I call friend. I would be lying if i said I am single by choice. That being said i did waste my 3 years of life chasing one girl and only girl. I wasted 1.5 year not confronting her and another 1.5 year getting taste of everything a situation ship without even actually meeting her all that time. Just been few days, I chose not to do that anymore and leave it behind since I found no future on us and left talking.

Fast forward, Today when i remember my dating life and things, it makes me feel like if i am an incel. I was watching some tv show and the way it normalizes dating scares me. Makes me feel how behind i must be. I couldn't experience teen age love, I couldn't experience school - high school love, and now I am not experiencing any college love as well. Had been 5 6 months I hadn't watched porn but the urge kicked in me today while all that thought climbing into my brain. And the guilt rises even more and the questions keep hitting the more i spend time on that site. I question what am I doing, cut the site off and again start blaming myself for everything.

Today, after almost a year, I remember the only girl that I proposed me who I rejected being way too mean. Now, I feel like if i am getting what i did to her. She didn't deserve any of that. I tried to play cool and nonchalant and didn't reciprocate her, didn't reply her text or gave her attention. That being said, I would have ruined her if we were together too because I never got that feeling for her. Its not that I don't feel anything for other, although I am too scared to initiate which is another huge topic. But these 3 years, I have been so involved on that one, I feel like i can't love anyone on future without getting her in my mind. I feel too scared for that. I don't even know how do one initiate a conversation with a lady. How does one ask her out.

Again here, I remember my friends who had their girlfriends, at least experienced what dating and relationship felt like, and again I think gosh I am an incel. I can't find a partner. I am such a loser. I don't know if its random day thought or not being with anyone till you are 21 is actually a problem. Are there any early 20s guy in the hood who feels like this or haven't dated anyone yet, or haven't got a taste of what relationship and dating life feel like.

Please, be nice. I want a genuine suggestion, mostly from girls. How would you think of a guy like me? Leave other thing, Is the guy who thinks like this even acceptable to y'all? I know this thought will vanish tomorrow but I feel like its worth giving a thought for because dating is serious, love is serious, life is serious.