Living with your ghost

I'm feeling so heartbroken today. The weight of it feels heavier now because yesterday was a good day. Yesterday my brain and heart agreed that I was mourning a figment of my imagination. Someone who never really was. The real person rolled his eyes at my broken heart. The real person decided I wasn't worthy of his time. The real person decided I didn't deserve an explanation. I think the real person played with my emotions from the start. So my heart and mind united in strength yesterday and allowed me to bury your ghost deep in the ground. Then I was strong. I was productive. I laughed.

But I woke up this morning with a heart that had dug your ghost back up. It told my mind I still loved you. It argued that the ghost WAS the real you. It shouted that the love was real. It made excuses for your behavior. My mind started to falter. And soon I was in love with your ghost all over again. Heart broken. Tears streaming.

Maybe I'll find the strength to bury your ghost again tomorrow so that it will be better again. Without you.