Sudden self-harm and depressive thoughts (?)

Whenever I get into an argument (or any sort of conflict) I get the urge to give myself cigarette burns and kill myself. I was depressed and actively-suicidal from the ages of 11-17 but whatever I'm going through now feels less constant. What I've been doing is locking myself in the bathroom crying it out to exhaust myself into a state of apathy but it gets more and more tiring each time. I feel very neutral about dying as a general state of being so I don't think this even qualifies as depression, but this was the only place I could think of. I don't even know what I'm asking, just wanted to put this out there.