I didn't think letting someone go would be so hard.

It all started in elementary school. I was in first grade. I was just a boy then... I didn't know that one meeting would change everything.

When I saw Arina, my heart stopped. Time seemed to stand still for me at that moment. Her beautiful blue eyes captivated me. Then my soul belonged to her. I thought it would be forever.

I loved her with all my childish heart. I thought about her every day. That's when I realized one thing... I love her beyond belief. More than anything in the world.

It so happened that these feelings weren't mutual. But I didn't care. I simply loved her. I gave her chocolates, flowers, and other tokens of affection. Back then, I simply wanted to make her happy. I loved looking at her smile. Running my fingers through her hair during recess. Just being around her.

Sixth grade was my last. At the beginning of seventh, I transferred to the cadet corps. It was there that my creativity was born. And from that moment on, every line and word was dedicated to her. Every damn moment I thought only of Arina. I dreamed of a relationship that was reciprocated, but I knew... it was impossible.

After three years of studying, I left. I didn't start tenth grade. I went to college in my hometown. She continued to go to school. Arina was planning to take the Unified State Exam.

And again, I continued to love her. I don't think about her every day. And then, in a moment, I accidentally let slip a careless word in her direction. Then I met her brother. I really hurt her. I didn't want to meet him. I was afraid. He's three or five years older than me, I don't remember exactly. But we still talked.

I apologized to her over the phone. He acted as an intermediary. Back then, I didn't yet understand the scale of what was happening. I was banned.

For the next three and a half years, I communicated with her through her sister. I was tormented by everything inside. I hurt the one I love so much. I felt bad, just like I do now.

After college, I went to the army. For a year, I kept thinking about her. I couldn't call either. I simply wouldn't have gotten through. While I was serving my tour of duty, I continued writing poetry. Everything flowed from her image. Memories. Her facial features.

And just recently, my tour of duty ended. A couple of weeks later, I flew to another country for work. I wouldn't say it was a dream, but it was an incredible opportunity I couldn't pass up. And then today, I was able to write.

I have a second Telegram account. I created a girlfriend. Even before writing to her, I uploaded a few photos. With some words, I managed to persuade her to unblock me. And our conversation took place after more than five years.

Why did I want to do all this? To see her. To hear her voice. To chat, even for five minutes. To know that she was happy. And here's her last message...

"Basically, I don't like to be rude, but isn't it clear that we won't be communicating? I don't want to tell you how I'm doing, what I've achieved and what I haven't. My brother, at your last meeting, made it clear we wouldn't be communicating.

I have my own life, man.

And what you're writing to me now is beyond the pale.

If you wanted me to unblock you, if it makes your life easier, then go ahead. But that doesn't mean we'll have any communication.

Let's just close this topic and be done with it.

I only wanted one thing. To send a message. To see her again. When it all happened, I felt a sense of emptiness. A piercing pain for something living. I let go of the woman I'd loved for over ten years.

P.S. - I'm writing all this now, on a beach in Egypt on the Mediterranean Sea. There are trillions of fragments inside me. Something living has been taken from me. I wrote to her to let go of my feelings. My thoughts. And my love...