Experiencing Extreme Burnout After Every Part of My Life Changed. How Do I Get My Spark Back?

At the end of May the place I had worked at for 17 years closed. I used this opportunity to move up north to be with my family. I was down south for 26 years. I left the south for many reasons. The job I was doing was for a religious institution and there were many things about me personally that I was having to keep secret to not ‘rock the boat’ or possibly be terminated. I am bisexual. I am a democrat. I am an alcoholic in recovery. And I was sure I no longer wanted to be a Christian but was also considering the possibility that I might be atheist as well. Those are all deeply in conflict with what most religious institutions (especially in the South) would be willing to accept. I’m sure it is a surprise to no one (especially given the actions and morals of the current administration who claim to be Christians) that Christianity in many places is no longer about love, forgiveness, and acceptance of all. It is very judgmental. Remember i said many places. I did not say all. But lack of acceptance and very rigid viewpoints in Christianity is much more prevalent in the south. 

I thought that moving up north would bring me to a place where I could be more open about who I am. I didn’t particularly want to live up here but I thought it would be better for my mental health and that I would be more widely accepted. I believed it would be easier to make friends that aligned more with my morals and values. That this could be a fresh start for me. I have regretted this decision every single day. I miss home (even with all its flaws) so much that it’s all I think about. I want to go back so badly. But I know that going back would possibly put me right back in a situation where i would have to continue to be secretive about who I am and how I feel. 

I have been here for three months and I can’t seem to move forward with my life and give this move a real try. I haven’t been applying for jobs like I should. I feel like I am paralyzed and can’t do the things I know I need to. Im not sure if this is some form of extreme emotional and mental burnout from having to hide and keep my thoughts and feelings stuffed down inside me all this time. Maybe the combination of that and every single aspect of my life having changed all at once (I don’t do well with change anyway let alone every single major part of life changing at the same time) was just too much for my system to handle. I desperately want to get my life back on track but I can’t seem to find the motivation to do it. 

How do I get my spark back and pull myself out of this depression? I want to move on with my life and start taking care of myself again.