i don't know if i need to keep going in this relatipnship after what happened to me. (relationships and relationship_advice would not take this post.)

tl;dr, my (20) gf (19) and i just got through a pregnancy scare, and we've been having issues regarding sexual practices.

THIS IS NOT A FETISH POST. THIS HAPPENED.

alright, she and i have been seeing eachother for about a month now. not long after seeing one-another, we had raw sex. it was my first time doing it, and i figured i could since she is on birth control and i'd get plan b as well.

anywho, i was worried i came a little inside, so i bought her tests and plan b. we had worried about implantation since she had what looked similar to spotting closing in on 3 weeks, but it ended up just being light starting blood from her period which was due. she also had her 4-day placebo week here, too.

we did it raw again on her 4th placebo day, but i made sure to pull out WELL in advance. everything ended up outside. when i was wiping her off, the water part of the semen started to drip down towards her butt, and she freaked out and and flinched IN THE DIRECTION OF how i was wiping, possibly smearing some inside her vulva. before i even touched her, i told her to hold as still as possible.

in a session the same day before this one, she tried leglocking me and begged me to cum in her despite my objections. i did not.

the last time we had sex i made absolutely certain i wore protection, especially since she's extended her placebo week by 2 days. she's still bleeding and refused to get back on her birth control because she doesn't want to deal with breakthrough bleeding, which i respect. what happened was, after we were done, i tried to pull out but she would not let me. she drove all her weight into my hips to keep me in her and she kept grinding. i asked her to stop and let me make sure the condom was still snug, but she just looked at me and said "i do everything you want when we fuck, just let me have this one thing." i had to push her and beg her to stop, and she looked at me exhausted and finally got off of me.

the condom was indeed loose at the bottom since i had gotten soft, and i began to worry semen had managed to leak out of the loosened condom and had smeared all over her from the grinding.

before this last session, she had told me that she had been watching forced creampie porn because "i wasn't giving her what she wanted." that hurt me, but i never said i didn't want her to be consuming that kind of media since i never thought i'd need to. she also admitted she has a breeding kink.

her reasoning behind all of this is "i'm sorry, i'm just really horny."

i asked if i could get her plan b, and she gave me the same look she gave me after finally getting off me. she said "you didn't get any cum on me when you wiped me down and there's no cum on me from condom. just stop. you always freak out over this stuff."

she doesn't want kids for personal and academic reasons, yet she refuses abortions or foster care if she does get pregnant. she knows i don't want kids right now, either.

after i told her how i felt about all of this, she began to become distraught and i've done my best to comfort her, but i feel violated from all of this, ESPECIALLY after a pregancy scare which we've both admitted is one of the scariest things we've lived through, and i don't know if i need to keep being in this relationship. she's still on her period and just now got back on her birth control after i told her everything. i know the risk is nil given she's menstruating, is now back on her birth control, and did not extend her placebo week to the point there is no protection, but i still am scared and i feel hurt about how little she seemed to care about the situation and about me.