I don’t want to live a lie

For context I’m a m 25, I’m from a Pakistani Muslim family who was raised and born in the UK. When I was younger I was bullied a lot by my family for being more feminine.. I am Muslim I pray everyday and continue to follow my faith but I don’t think I could ever marry a woman because I hate the idea of lying.. I know that I’m not into women and so does god, so i wouldn’t want to live that lie.

I basically am out to my friends but not my family, I’ve tried dating other people out of my religion and ethnicity but it always seems to go wrong due to them not understanding certain things or there being a difference in our cultures. I do want to date someone who is also like me a Muslim man who is attracted to men and loves god as much as I do but I can never really find one and if I do find someone they are usually guys who are just DL looking for fun (I’m not into hooking up and never have been) 😭

I’ve talked to other lgbt Muslims because I needed some advice but it seems like most of them just recommended that I lie or get into a lavender marriage, which as I said I didn’t want to do 😭 (no hate to the people who do that, I understand that everyone is different) i decided to post here to get some advice 🩷 thank you!!