Losing my religion

Recently I’ve been in a huge dispute with myself about my beliefs and I have no idea what to do.

I was raised in a non-religious family. I wasn’t baptised. My father is an aggressive atheist and whole my childhood I was told that there’s no God. I never went to a church or read Bible. I committed uncountable number of blasphemy. And as I was growing I seen more and more proofs that there’s nothing up above. It became a fundamental truth for me as I always thought of religious people as of some cultists.

About four years ago I started thinking about it a little more and started questioning myself. I wouldn’t say that “I found god” or something, just started assuming that maybe there’s something after life and stuff, just out of curiosity.

A year ago I moved to another country, smaller and more religious than my home country. With time my values changed and I started to see more sense in orthodox theology. And with time I came to a conclusion that maybe I believe in God. I started praying, I bough myself an Icon of Jesus Christ, I went to a church a few times to pray (not to a liturgy). For some period I was in some kind of religious ecstasy. I read Gospel and learned some prayers and even thought about baptising. Even tried to fast (not so successful) but I was too nervous to go to church on Sundays or talk to a priest (I don’t quite know local language).

But over time my things didn’t go well, I was feeling lost, I felt unheard by God. I was overthinking and thoughts about like “how do I know that there is God? Are there any evidence?” How do I know that there is a chance that my prayers will be heard and there is an actual purpose in life - to live in the name of god? I keep sinning. I keep loosing my mind. Last Sunday I went to the Church for Sunday Service. All I felt is severe anxiety and headache. Not what I was expecting at all. Now I don’t know what to do.

How do I test my faith?