Health anxiety struggles after ms diagnosis 😔

I met my CBT therapist for the first time today, and she told me that I have a high level of health anxiety as well as generalized anxiety.

What makes this difficult for me is that, from the outside, I’m living a life I genuinely love. I work full-time, I train hard, I take care of myself, I have so much to be grateful for, and I truly love my life. But since my MS diagnosis, I feel like I’m constantly living with a fear that something serious could happen to me. 😔

I’m only 24, and I think that makes it even harder for me to accept the idea that I could have a another serious illness. I find myself living in preparation for something bad happening — almost as if I need to constantly check, worry, or make sure that nothing is being missed. I do all my blood check ups every 6 months at my neuro and do yearly health appointments and don’t know what more i can do.

My therapist recommended antidepressants for the anxiety, but I’m honestly quite against them and scared of the side effects. I’m also someone who is very sensitive to changes in how I feel physically, so the thought of medication potentially causing new sensations makes me anxious in itself.

I’m really struggling with this. One of my biggest fears is almost that I’m afraid to be completely happy and enjoy my life, because part of me is always thinking, “What if something bad happens?” I’m terrified of losing my future, leaving my husband whom I love more than anything, and losing the life that I love so much. 😭

I know that MS does not mean that something terrible is going to happen to me, and I know I’m doing everything I can to take care of myself. But emotionally, I still struggle to believe that.
I would really love to hear from others with MS who developed strong health anxiety after their diagnosis.

Do you also live in this constant state of preparation, as if you need to be ready for something bad to happen? How did you learn to live with the uncertainty? Did you seek extra medical check-ups or reassurance, or did that actually make the anxiety worse?

I would really appreciate hearing how you handled it, because right now I genuinely feel like I’m struggling with this more than I want to admit. ❤️