Does something like a quasi relapse exist?

I just put the tw bc I typed out some of my behaviours.

i relapsed in March this year after being „recovered“ for quite some time. Ever since then I try so so f**king hard to not let it get as bad as it was before I went inpatient. Especially things like not actively counting calories and not weighing myself (which i think is a huge win). At the same time I do all of the other things an eating disorder comes with, I >!restrict, have fear foods, obsess over food and the way I look, worry about whether I lost or gained weight, purge every other day etc etc.!< I feel like the only thing preventing me from completely going insane again is the not weighing myself and not counting calories part. I’m really scared about me giving up on the idea of recovery and just going all in, although I’ve been living this way for quite a few months now. It’s really exhausting.
So I was wondering if anyone else ever experienced something similar, a state of “quasi relapse”. I know for sure it’s a full relapse but at the same time it could be so much worse and I kind of manage to keep it balanced yk? I think the lack of having numbers controlling my life is such a helpful thing in order to keep my sanity - >!tho ofc I still know the amount of cals in certain foods.!< Pls feel free to share your thoughts on this and let me know if I’m the only one! ><