My partner hasn’t told her family about us.

I’ve been dating this girl for over 15 months now. It’s a very serious relationship and I know that we both want to make it work for evermore if possible. We live a few hours away so we are long distance (seeing each other for a few days every 3-5 weeks).

Both our families suck. I am a trans man (pre-T) (22) and she is a cis woman (27). I know her family would not accept me, they’re transphobic and most of them also homophobic (so even if I was presented to be a woman, there’d still be an issue). I know she wants to tell her family, but she also doesn’t want to deal with the consequences. I am quite certain they wouldn’t cast her aside, but she’d definitely receive a lot of judgment. I don’t want her to face such a thing, I know what it’s like to have a shitty family, but it still hurts. We want to get married in a few years (if all goes well) and my parents found out about her (my extended family shall never find out, they’ll either get violent or just straight up never see me again) and even though they see this as a “lesbian relationship” and they never stop talking about when “I give birth and have my own kids or when my partner will” bc they obv don’t want us to last, I still stood by it. I’ve stated how serious this is to me, that I love her, even if they don’t like it. I know it’s unfair to expect her to do the same, and honestly I don’t “expect” her to, but I guess there’s a part of me that selfishly wishes that she would. I’d never tell her that bc I don’t want her to feel guilty or pressured and I def don’t want her to suffer, but it stings. I think it stings even more because I know she wants to tell them, but she mostly wants them to just be happy for her which yes, ofc, but it makes me feel like a ghost. I know all these things about her family, and they don’t even know I exist.

I don’t want to talk about this with friends, it’s too hard.